Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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