My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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