I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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