i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
