butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
