yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
