I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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