Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
