he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Ketchup is God's man juice
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
