recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize