oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
