tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
