I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
