I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
