I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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