my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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