you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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