She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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