I'm drive I can fine osifer
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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