like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
