I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
