My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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