Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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