Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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