I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Randomize
