i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
