It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
too bad you live with your parents still
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
