I didn't shave. On purpose
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
