pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
