Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
