More tranny stories later!
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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