Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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