I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
did i walk over a car last night?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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