Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
