Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?

Fav 1 1901 877
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(785): View more from Kansas

Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".

Fav 16 1389 4756
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(515): View more from Iowa

trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.

Fav 19 2735 1344
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(516): View more from New York

I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.

Fav 7 2798 1375
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(781): View more from Massachusetts

She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.

Fav 11 3104 1800
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(419): View more from Ohio

I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.

Fav 6 705 1409
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(720): View more from Colorado

Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.

Fav 1 1323 757
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(720): View more from Colorado

Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?

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(301): View more from Maryland

Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story

Fav 3 73 12
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