Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
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