I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
