glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
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