btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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