Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
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