i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Randomize
