kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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