the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
