So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
