Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize