Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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