haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
