I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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