Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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