My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
