Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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