Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
