I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
