well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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