so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Just high enough for therapy.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
