So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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