tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Rumble strips road head = magical
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
