The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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