I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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