$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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