i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I wish I only lived at night.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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