just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
