shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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