Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
