Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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