I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
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1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
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My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
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