my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
