Having a random hookup so left but love u
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
