dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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