Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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