dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize