I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
