Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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