I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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