Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
