I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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