Yo dont text me then not text me
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
