but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
