Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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