I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
