Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
