He disabled his match.com account in front of me
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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