He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
